your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
