I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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