don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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