I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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