Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
