I am puke
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
