I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
