i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
