I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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