Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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