He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
