I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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