she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
