why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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