Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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