i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
