just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
