also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
