Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
