She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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