omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
why is half of my head shaved?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
