finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
