Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just gargled with NyQuil
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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