Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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