Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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