my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
