it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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