it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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