If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
