so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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