You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
