you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
