Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm at about main and main street
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
