My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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