he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
