i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
