I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
