Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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