Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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