yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
