I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
