Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
