i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
