I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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