is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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