Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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