Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
