hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
