I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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