We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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