i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
