the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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