Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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