Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
